Sunday, December 21, 2008

DREAM: I Don't Eat Squirrels and Kittens!

More bizarre symbolism in the realm of dreams continuing...

I dreamt I was at the grocery store and standing at the counter for, I think, a bakery section. Next to it was the butcher section. Somehow my order for whatever I was getting from the bakery got mixed up with the butcher and he started talking to me as he chopped something. I could see that it was the limp body of a squirrel. He chopped off the legs, the head, and the tail so that there was only left this horrible, gray, wet tube of a body. He started cutting up a second one. I started to intervene, but the butcher was so clueless and thinking he was being so nice to make it all wrapped up for me... so I just smiled and tried to be polite. (NOTE: that would never happen in waking life. I would have said something immediately.) I just kept thinking, Well, I will get my stuff from the bakery and take what this butcher gave me, but hand off what the butcher gave me to someone else who would want it. The butcher had struck up conversation with me and I was politely exchanging with him, wishing I could just hurry up and get out of there. He had said something about kittens and I took it as an opportunity to speak up about how much I love animals. The butcher said, "Well, let me see... I think we have some around here," and he started sliding open panels behind the butcher case. He smiled all big and said, "Oh. HERE!" and pulled out a limp kitten. Before I could even realize what he was doing and what he was holding, he had chopped off the head. The body kicked. It had still been alive! He then reached under for another and pulled out a second kitten! He said, "I'm really sorry, but this one is feral. It might be a bit tougher." My mind was having a hard time wrapping around what was happening, He struggled to hold the kitten as it spit and clawed and fought him. The butcher's rubber gloves gripped the kitten by the ears, pulled them back so that the eyes were all stretched out, and he maneuvered the kitten to be on its side on the butcher block. That's when I finally freaked out. I screamed. I wailed out. I could barely scream out my words intelligibly, but I was screaming, "Oh my god! WHY! Why do you do this! How can you people eat these animals and hurt them like this!! If you don't understand how insane this is, you ARE insane!!" and on and on and on... until I woke up.

It was really intense and upsetting in the dream, and so NOT how I would have handled it in waking life, but it was cathartic and disturbing.

Now, I know I have phases when I dream things that are graphic, horrific, and bizarre, but I have yet to really grasp WHY! I mean, these are so weird!!

NOTE: I had watched part of ZODIAC, the movie about the "Zodiac Killer" of California's past. When detectives got a warrant to investigate a suspect's trailer home, it was swarming with squirrels inside. The imagery was striking, so I think part of my dream was influenced by that.

Mostly, I think this dream plays out my undercurrent of frustration for being forced to be polite, kind, and enduring around people whom I love, but who do not grasp the true horror of what they do when they eat animals. I don't realize it, but I imagine this forces a difficult skew within me as I accommodate the majority of apathy and ignorance for the suffering of animals, while living in a constant tortured state of wishing I could abolish all forms of cruelty and exploitation. I suppose this dream was helping to release that which I cannot in my waking life.


[LaLa] Lauren said...

Though full of fantastic symbolism, what an awful thing to fill your sleep with )= especially being a vegetarian myself, I imagine how it might have made you the slightest bit grossed out, too! I'm a new reader of your blog, I found you through all the GLBT podcasts. I also just requested to follow you on Twitter. My updates are protected though, I'd rather not have my boss or someone like that stumble upon the depths of my online personal life! haha. I'd like to email you with a question about a spirit-type thing, if that's ok? Maybe DM me on Twitter with your address if thats ok with you. Thanks!

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